Enough people have sent me inquiries and gentle nudges about my prolonged departure from the blogosphere that I feel compelled to update. I didn’t realize anyone was that invested in the non-events of my daily life. I’m flattered, guys.

Anyway… I am tired of people asking, “So, will you be a teacher?” or “What are you ‘gonna’ do with that degree, teach?”

Here’s my official answer:
No. Fudge no. I will not be a teacher.
And, if you ask me this in person, then I will probably substitute a more acrimonious f-word in my reply.

1. An English degree is not so impractical that it relegates to the hell that is K-12 teaching every poor soul who pursues it. Use your damn imagination.

2. More importantly, Have you met me? If we have had one conversation, ever, then you have no excuse for asking me this question. I didn’t like children when I was a child. I like them even less now.

Except Cousin. As it turns out, when you see something take its very first breath, the urge to stick your head in a microwave the next time you see it greatly diminishes. That’s better evidence for evolution than the entire fossil record.

I was being literal when I said I saw him take his first breath.

Not to get all mushy and authoritative, but this is what “love at first sight” means.

3:00 AM. Skipped all my classes the next day. Worth it.

Anyway, here is what I am doing: a post-baccalaurate pre-med program and then applying to medical school. I’ve wanted to be a doctor for a long time, but I didn’t think it was going to happen for me, so I kept it to myself. Well, now it’s happening.

So, yeah. But now, I need to study for the GRE in four weeks.