we’ll drink to California ’til we wobble in our shoes!
Or, at least, I will. B. will be drinking to ASU, I suspect. There’s a PAC-12 alumni mixer tonight at a bar in downtown Philly. It’ll be nice to revel with my fellow Californians, but I’m more excited about the ASU/CAL rivalry. B. went to ASU so every year we put on our respective colors, put on the game, and trash talk each other’s schools. A little competition is healthy for a relationship. I hope.
I loathe purses. Never have I seen a purse and thought, “Oh, hey, I like that.” It’s not surprising, really; I’m hardly a trendy person. I own one dress for formal occasions, two pairs of dress slacks, and zero skirts. I like jeans, cords, and the occasional pair of shorts. My shoe collection, if you can even call it that, is one pair of dress shoes and two pairs of Toms. So it’s only fitting that the first bag I’d fall in love with is a utilitarian men’s messenger bag. When I saw it in the Fossil store in fall 2010, I almost immediately purchased it. Then I looked at the price tag. $160. What the eff?! That’s more than I’d ever even considered spending on any one non-electronic item. I left the store, a little sad, but proud of myself for not spending so much on a messenger bag. A few months passed, and my mind kept going back to this bag. Then one day in December 2010, I was back in the Fossil store, and there it still was: the bag that was tantalizing me in my dreams. I bought it, without a moment’s hesitation, and I’ve never regretted it.
I have romantic fantasies of one day passing this messenger bag down to my child as he or she goes off to college.
I thought this blog could use a lighthearted post, so I present to you: What’s in Whitney’s Bag!
I’m just an asthma inhaler away from being the nerdiest person in West Philly.
So, I have:
Obviously, my wallet, which is also Fossil. After I got robbed the first time I came to Philadelphia, I consoled myself by buying whatever wallet I wanted, even if it was stupid expensive.
California magazine, the official publication of the Cal Alumni Association; Atonement, which I have started and not finished more times than I can count – (I’m going to finish it this time, damn it!); The Russian Reference Grammar because I never get tired of studying declension and cases (ha!)
Two sets of lanyard and keys: the Penn Law lanyard is Bobby’s and has our house key on it; the Cal lanyard is mine and has the keys to my mother’s and uncle’s houses on it, along with my Cal1Card mini-light and Berkeley key chain. Have you figured out where I went to school yet?
Hand sanitizer because everything, everywhere is disgustingly gross and I always feel forever unclean; hand lotion so my obsessive-compulsive need to sanitize my hands doesn’t dry them out; Chapstick because my lips are perpetually dry; pepper spray because no way in hell I’d go anywhere without it. Funny tangent about the pepper spray: I forgot it was in my bag and got through airport security with it on my flight from California to Philly. Yeah, the TSA is really doing its job.
My driver license which entitles me to all the booze I can handle (and even the booze I can’t); my Cal1Card which is probably my favorite card in my whole wallet because, while it doesn’t get me booze, it’s a testament to my hard-earned degree; my Cal Alumni Association membership card, which you’d think would be a little less flimsy considering I paid $30 for it; my FAMSF member card, which I love because I love museums, which is obviously why I got a membership in the first place; my very poor check card; my awesome lion credit card; and the Best Buy card that financed my computer interest free for two years
Starbucks card and a coupon for a free Refresher; Refreshers are some new concoction that Starbucks was giving away for free on Friday. It wasn’t that great – I definitely wouldn’t pay for one – but hey, the coupon gets me another one for free, so I’ll take it.
There’s also my Berkeley water bottle, which I am rarely spotted without; a stray cherry Jolly Rancher from my doctor; 8 leftover stamps I had to buy just to send one letter; my iPhone and ear buds, and (out of shot) my Clipper card for BART and Zipcard for, uh, Zipping?
As you’re reading this, I’m at the Cal Alumni Association’s Annual Reception for Newly Admitted Students. We alumni are rubbing elbows at the swanky Ritz-Carlton, Philadelphia, and charming admitted high school seniors into choosing Cal. These out-of-staters are worth the big bucks.
Cal Day!
Despite my current animosity toward my alma mater, or perhaps because of it, I’ve composed 16 unsolicited pieces of advice for the Cal Class of 2016:
1. Treat with suspicion and contempt any exam that declares itself “take home.” It’ll be twice as much work as an in-class exam, and you won’t do any better.
2. Don’t buy books from the Cal Student Store. Ned’s is a rip-off, too. Shop online.
3. Pick a foreign language your first semester and stick to it! If you graduate without fluency in at least one foreign language, your peers will mock you, and you will feel completely inadequate.
4. You may have been the smartest person in your high school, obviously, but you’re still only 18. You’re going to get stupid drunk or stupid stoned or just plain stupid and lose your clothes. Own the shame and move on.
5. If you plagiarize, there is a good chance your professor will humiliate you in front of a hundred other students. You’ll deserve it, so take it like a (wo)man. No tears.
6. Do not join Berkeley College Republicans. Just please. I’m laughing at you already.
7. No one cares if you’re 20 and still a virgin. No one cares if you’ve slept with 20 people. Just, for the love of Oski, wear a rubber. You can get free condoms all over the place. No excuses.
8. Someone once got caught jerking it in the stacks during finals season. It’s 80% hilarious, 20% disgusting, and 100% the reason I don’t use library books. You’ve been warned.
9. Do the Bare Run once. It’s the only time the administration won’t arrest you for running through the stacks butt-ass naked. Bonus points if you throw glitter as you go.
10. Take the time to appreciate politically relevant graffiti:
The administration will have it down before you can say, “She’s just working her way through college.”
11. Prepare to do real research. Berkeley is, foremost, a research university. If this doesn’t appeal to you, I’m afraid you’ve made a grave mistake.
12. Don’t wear anything Stanfurd unless you want people to yell vulgarities at you. Seriously.
13. Talk at least one of your seminar professors into holding class next to Strawberry Creek on a nice day. Jump on the first seminar that sounds interesting. The same topics don’t usually come around twice.
14. Learn the Cal Drinking Song so you’ll be prepared when a spontaneous chorus of “Oh, we had a little party down in Newport!” breaks out.
15. Get to know your professors. You’ll learn that true genius is often quite hilarious, as well.
16. Most importantly, AnonCon.
